The gift

“Living well is an art that can be developed: a love of life and ability to take great pleasure from small offerings and assurance that the world owes you nothing and that every gift is exactly that, a gift. ”
― Maya Angelou

So I am thrilled to report that I have experienced a shift. I feel like I am shedding the remnants of my old life... I feel reborn.

I am learning to practice the art of self love and to value the woman that I am becoming.  (I have come to believe that it truly is an art form...and one that can be learned at any time...never too late for that!)

  

I am dwelling in a state of gratitude most days....I am so thankful for where I am in my life right now. 

I am savoring relationships with the amazing women in my life...I am so fortunate to have incredible friendships with some pretty kick ass ladies! They inspire me, support me, and continually show me what real love looks like.

I am grateful that I can speak my truth with people I can trust...even when I don't have the vocabulary to accurately express my feelings. They let me find my way in a safe, nurturing, and loving environment.

I am grateful to be able to surround myself with people who value honesty, respect, and integrity. Not always qualities that are easy to come by these days!

I am grateful that an old friend reminded me to keep my heart open, even if..and especially when...it seemed easier to shut down and rebuild "the wall".

And I'm grateful that he loved me enough to say it...and that I trusted him enough to hear it.

Most of all, I'm grateful that I know that every experience, painful or joyful, is part of my journey. Each is absolutely necessary to move forward along the path of my life...

I have no idea what the future holds...and I'm OK with that today.

Sometimes the best gifts are the ones you weren't expecting....    

Leap.....

“Leap, and the net will appear.”
― Julia Cameron 

As I reflect on the last few months, I can see growth...however slowly and almost nonexistent it may have felt at the time. There is comfort in the familiar which causes us/me to avoid change, even when the change is the better, healthier option. When present circumstances become painful enough, I somehow manage to find the courage to change.

I remember another time, over a decade ago when I chose to walk away from the toxic routine my life had become and step into the unknown. It was not as easy transition and there was pain then too. But it was a choice that ultimately saved my life.

I need to remember that when faced with a difficult choice to venture into unknown territory...I have always been taken care of! At times it may feel like I'm clutching onto the side of a mountain, holding on for dear life. That's when I need to remember that sometimes the best thing to do is take a deep breath...

and...

Let...

GO!!!

I know from experience...

the net always appears!

May Cause Miracles

“There is no order of difficulty in miracles." ~~~ACIM

I started Gabrielle Bernstein's new book,May Cause Miracles, a few days ago. It's described as "A 40 day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness." 

RIGHT up my alley!

Gabby is a student and teacher of A Course in Miracles and has been described as this generation's version of Marianne Williamson. 

OK...I will be the 1st to admit that I worship at the altar of Marianne....I could listen to her lectures all day and have read almost every book she has written....there, full disclosure! 

;-)

Anyway, I have been struggling with some toxic, negative emotional crap recently and was willing to do ANYTHING to rid myself of it. I wanted an emotional DETOX! The book landed in stores on January 1st...I was dying to get my hands on a copy.

I am thrilled to report that after just 3 days of following the suggestions laid out in Gabby's book, I feel some relief. Something has shifted inside me.I don't get it and I don't need to understand the how and why of it. All I know is that a shift 

has occurred!

ACIM describes a miracle as a shift from fear to love.

My heart is full of love once again.

I can't wait to see what the next 37 days have in store!

**HIGHLY recommend this book!!**

Carving out a little room....

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha

Happy 2013! It's going to be an amazing year...I can feel it in my bones. Lots of exciting things planned....

This is the year of ME!

I am really diving in deep for some self exploration this year and I'm starting off with a big, fat love affair with MYSELF!

Somehow last year, I got off track and neglected this important relationship with me...I need to be a teeny bit selfish right now and shower myself with love.

Today, I am attending to my physical health by visiting my acupuncturist and going to a yoga workshop with one of my best girlfriends, taught by my favorite teacher. I am also meeting for coffee with a friend of a friend for a little fellowship...sharing experience, strength & hope...that's what we're taught to do to help others.

I am starting Gabrielle Bernstein's "May Cause Miracles" book on Sunday...40 days to recalibrate my perspective back to a more loving, less cynical place. Got a bit off track here too in the last few months....need to make my way back to my center.

New Year's Day was spent clearing out space for joy in the new year...I eliminated some things that no longer serve my greater good. I "sage"-d the heck out of my apartment to clear out the negative energy that had accumulated there. Now I am doing the same for my interior...I am eliminating negative thoughts & emotions to make more room for loving thoughts and joy.

Fear and negativity are no longer welcome here!

I am evicting the bad tenants that have taken up residency in my head and heart....get the hell OUT!!!

In 2013, I choose peace, love, and joy!

Now, back to my green juice...

;-)

Happy Friday everyone! xox

108...for 2013

 “Eucharisteo—thanksgiving—always precedes the miracle.” 

― Ann Voskamp

As the last few hours of 2012 draw to a close, I am reflecting on the past 12 months. I have experienced a range of emotions this year and have recently gotten myself stuck in resentment, frustration, and grief. Try as I might, peace and gratitude have become as difficult to hold onto as water...just keeps running through my fingers.

I receive a daily blog post from a spiritual source and today's post described a New Year's tradition that I am inspired to adopt this year. It's a gratitude list of sorts...108 things for which I am grateful. In Hindu & Vedic traditions, 108 is considered a divine or sacred number. There are several interpretations of why this is so, but it resonates with me because I have always been drawn to the number 9. (1+0+8=9) No particular reason...it's been my "lucky number" as far back as I can remember.

So it's no coincidence that today's post would "speak" to me....

As I have shared in previous posts this month, something is shifting in me...I am in a state of flux, transition, change. I'm in that murky in between part...the "icky" part.

I need a shot of gratitude... STAT!

So I thought I would use this venue to share this list...feels like an appropriate way to usher out the old year and welcome in the new.

Here we go...in no particular order....

1. my sobriety

2. spiritual life 

3. love & support from family & friends

4. Daisy

5. financial security

6. having a job

7. yoga practice

8. meditation practice

9. bubble baths

10. gelato

11. my bed

12. cashmere

13. Italy

14. Abraham-Hicks

15. Marianne Williamson lectures

16. Gabrielle Bernstein's new book

17. Amma

18. Nag Champa incense

19. Yerba mate

20. Renaissance art

21. hope

22. seeings stars in a clear night sky

23. wind

24. smell of bonfire

25. hiking at Starved Rock

26. blueberries

27. green smoothies

28. juice cleanses

29. wind chimes

30. the ocean

31. fresh snow

32. butterflies

33. being in nature (not camping)

34. dipping my toes in cool water on a hot day

35. outdoor concerts at Pritzker with my friends on a summer evening

36. drive-ins

37. Bradley Cooper!

38. soft kisses

39. back rubs

40. baby giggles

41. the way a baby's head smells

42. Daisy purring

43. movie dates on the couch with Daisy

44. fireworks

45. bubbles

46. tattoos

47. sitting in empty churches (just me & the Big Guy)

48. wandering around a museum

49. Christmas carols

50. jumping in puddles

51. pedicures

52. lilacs

52. shopping at farmer's markets in the summer

53. fresh tomatoes

54. caprese salad

55. summer peaches

56. strawberry shortcake

57. lazy Sunday mornings
58. travel
59. discovering new neighborhoods
60. cooking for friends
61. baking
62. making a vision board
63. Italian movies
64. folding laundry (another form of meditation!)
65. Pike's Market in Seattle
66. watching Daisy sleep
67. fireflies
68. waterfalls
69. the Amalfi Coast
70. Hotel Arts in Barcelona
71. annual girls holiday brunch at Susan's
72. quitting cigarettes
73. antique shopping
74. 40s vintage dresses
75. Hitchcock movies
76. romance
77. chivalry
78. love
79. respect
80. honesty
81. ability to keep my heart open after it's been broken...again
82. belief that good guys do exist
83. knowing that "this too shall pass"
84. spending NYE at Moksha, doing yoga with friends
85. starting 2013 doing the same at Village Yoga
86. warm towels
87. Ellen's lavender sable cookies
88. memories of baking with my Grandma
89. memories of listening to my Grandpa tell stories 
90. memories of my mom stroking my hair
91. white clam pizza
92. Colony stinger pie
93. Carvel ice cream
94. cashmere socks
95. warm sandy beaches 
96. Daisy snuggles in the morning
97. watching "The Holiday" on Christmas day
98. U2's "Joshua Tree" album
99. Maxwell's "Urban Hang Suite" album
100. "Amelie"--movie & soundtrack
101. holding hands
102. falling in love
103. hugs
104. crunching leaves in the fall
105. second chances
106. grace
107. miracles
108. love

So that's how I want end 2012 and start 2013....focusing on what I'm grateful for  and what makes me feel good inside. I want to bring more joy into the new year for myself and those around me.

Peace & love, friends.
WIshing you every happiness in 2013!!
xox

A change is coming....

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 

― Albert Einstein

As 2012 draws to a close, I have been reflecting on the events of the last twelve months...

it has been a turbulent year in many ways. An emotional roller coaster, a fair share of "drama", and lots of changes...some good, and some....well, not so good. Fundamentally, all is well and I have faith that things will work out for the best in the end...but I am ready for a little peace of mind and I'm willing to do the necessary work to reach that goal.

I feel, in some ways, like the proverbial snake who sheds her skin....I feel uncomfortable in the skin I'm in... like I have outgrown certain aspects of my life. Certain mindsets and beliefs that may have once worked for me, no longer ring true. I feel something shifting inside, and while I don't have a clear picture of what it looks like, I know that 2013 will be an important year for me.

The book in the image above is the latest release by Gabrielle Bernstein, motivational speaker and author of Spirit Junkie (a must read!). She is one of my favorites and I am SO looking forward to her new book. I will be following the 40 day program described in the new book starting next month and will share my experiences with you here.

I have some outdated beliefs that I'm ready to part with...it's time to do a little housecleaning!!!

I'm ready to start living my miraculous life!

2013....HERE I COME!!!

  

Merry Christmas!

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope

`The last few weeks have been quite full....lots of holiday festivities, visiting friends, exchanging gifts, observing holiday traditions. This morning, I have been reflecting on how rich and delicious my life is...I am truly blessed to have some amazing people in my life, and while I don't take that for granted, sometimes it's good for me to take a moment to acknowledge that out loud.

Often, because of the business that I'm in, the holidays pass by in a blur...I often feel like I don't come up for air until Christmas Eve and them I'm so exhausted from the weeks leading up to it, that all I want to do is lay on the couch in my pajamas. This year, I made a decision to savor this holiday and the people in my life. I made a decision to be present. I even put up my first tree! 

The tragic shooting of last week was a timely reminder that the future holds no guarantees...it's important for me to remember to not waste a single moment, putting something off until tomorrow.

This Christmas, I am not being stingy with my feelings...I am fully immersing myself in gratitude, appreciation, and love. I want to share that with the people in my life who mean the most to me as well as new friends and people who cross my path every day. I am making a conscious effort to silently bless everyone I pass on the street...just trying to spread a little extra love in a world that so desperately needs all it can get!

I love the quote from Bob Hope that opens today's post...

"...why DO we have to wait for Christmas..." to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be?

I don't want to wait....do you?

Wishing you peace, joy, and all the love your heart can hold this holiday season!

xox