Lessons....and moving on

“You take whatever works from wherever you can find it, and you keep moving toward the light.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

The last few months have been full of interesting and sometimes painful learning experiences. In some ways, I feel like I've lost my footing....my trust has been shaken and I have had to walk away from people, places, and things that once were once an integral part of my daily life.

As I've said before, Change is messy, uncomfortable, and scary.

And it doesn't follow my schedule.

Change is like a river....it goes along at its own pace, twisting and turning according to its own path. 

It's up to me whether to fight the current and swim upstream (**painful**) or to go with the flow of the current, trusting that I will end up exactly where I'm meant to be (not my default reaction).

Going with the flow does not mean that I'm going to arrive at the end of the journey unscathed...in fact, chances are that I'm going to get some bumps and bruises along the way.

But at least I'm heading in the right direction.

Fighting the current is exhausting.

It involves pushing against something/one stronger than me, something/one who is fighting me every step of the way, something/one whose goal is for me NOT to end up in the direction that I'm heading.

My experience shows me that all bets are off when I try to do this....no tricks are off limits. Hitting below the belt is definitely allowed. That something/one fights dirty and I will never win.

Why do I continue to waste my time and energy fighting a fight that I cannot win when it's so much easier to ride the current in the direction that it's going?

Perhaps one day I will discover the answer to that questions, but today is not that day.

Today, I am willing to let go and stop trying to hold on to things/people in the past that no longer serve the person I am in this moment.

I have some clarity today. 
I am moving forward into my future.
People and events from my past helped to create the woman I am today...but some will not join me on this next phase of my adventure.
I don't have the strength (or desire) to carry that load another step.
I am leaving that baggage right here...
and walking away.

Peace and Love,
xo

Here comes the sun.....

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.” 

― Elizabeth Gilbert

Well, I am thrilled to report that the insanity of last week's post is behind me!

The beauty is that very little changed regarding the situation that was consuming me...what DID change was my perspective. I was finally willing to see things differently: being happy became more important than being right. 

Pain has a way of doing that sometimes...at least for me. As much as I wish I could find the motivation for change under more gentle circumstances, history has shown that pain is my greatest motivator. 

Fortunately, my threshold for pain has become significantly lower over the years. I am (generally) able to find the willingness to make the necessary changes to extricate myself from an uncomfortable situation in much less time than it once took.

These days, I have a wide variety of tools at my disposal.

I have been listening to several Mariannne Williamson lectures on my iPod this week. I chose to saturate myself with the wisdom contained in the recordings:

* I choose to see peace instead of this. 

* There is no order of difficulty in miracles.

* A healed mind doesn't plan.

* I am not my drama.

I am so grateful for the resources available to me. I am fortunate to have several trusted friends who are traveling a similar path to my own. They are my "go-to" ladies. They "get" me...and I was able to work my way through the "ick" with their love & support.

I am a lucky girl, indeed!

Peace & Love,

xox

Where's my pink cloud?

“The best we can do then, in response to our incomprehensible and dangerous world, is to practice holding equilibrium internally - no matter what insanity is transpiring out there.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Ever have one of those days? 

Sure, you have....we all have.

Trouble is....sometimes a few too many of them get strung together and you're left feeling like that's all there is.

That's how I'm feeling today.

I feel like I've been getting sucker punched by Life lately...ain't that a B*TCH?!

Normally, I can use the tools at my disposal to pull myself out of a funk....things like gratitude, being of service, praying for a miracle.

I feel like I've emptied my toolbox and nothing seems to be working.

There is some CRAZY stuff going on in my professional life...things so far beyond my control that it's ridiculous to think that I can change the situation. And yet.....I keep looking for the loophole. You know, that one that I missed? There's gotta be a way to do something, right?

Nope.

Nada.

Zilch.

It's pissing me off because now I've let it grow into a resentment...and you know what they say about those:

Like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die?

It was suggested to me tonight, by someone I trust, to recite the Serenity Prayer...as many times as it takes. Kind of like a mantra....over and over and over and over and over again.

I'm gonna give that a try. 

I'll report back in a few days & let you know how THAT worked.

In the meantime, just for the record...

ENOUGH!

p.s. Sorry for the rant...

hopefully I'll be back to my blissful yoga bubble self next time.

Peace & Love

Choose again....

SOOO, this pretty much sums up MY week..

....and YOU??

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever gonna get to the last layer of the proverbial onion. Seems like I've been peeling and peeling that damn thing forever...with no end in sight.

Emotions are funny things...I know that ridding myself of toxic and unhealthy emotional baggage is a process. Sometimes I feel like I've been running on the same rusty hamster wheel for several months now and I am ready to get ( and STAY) off!

I know from the work I'm doing that my ego is up to it's nasty old tricks again. In some ways, I could consider that good news, because the trickster would only be acting up if it felt threatened. That means that my commitment to choosing love over fear is shifting me in the right direction! Maybe I need to focus on that when I start feeling squirrel-y?

It's important for me to remember that it all comes down to choice...and when I am not happy with my choice, I can always make another one. I can "start my day over" any time, right?

I am so grateful for the opportunity to go deep and really explore some of the places that I've managed to keep hidden for most of my life. I realize that shining light on my dark places is the only way that I can start to eliminate them. 

I am especially grateful to be sharing this journey with people that I trust & who love me enough to support me through the messy bits.

Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me.~~~Chris Prentiss

Paradise

“My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that, and I intend to end up there.”
― Rumi

I just returned from an incredible vacation....a yoga retreat in Puerto Rico! I hadn't realized how desperately I needed a respite like this until I arrived at the airport in San Juan and saw my dear friend, who was my partner in crime on this adventure.

Several months ago, our yoga teacher had invited us to join her on her first retreat and, FINALLY, we had arrived! My anticipation was more intense than that of a young child on Christmas morning. I was practically skipping through the door as I exited baggage claim with my luggage, ready for the retreat to begin.

We stayed at a private estate on the west side of the island. Although it took several hours... (and a few wrong turns!) to get there, it was absolutely worth the trip!

Pictures don't do this place justice. Suffice it to say that it was a little slice of heaven.

For four days, we were surrounded by lush, tropical palm trees and fell asleep to the sound of the roaring waves of the ocean.

I quickly realized how my soul needs to be in nature to feel nourished...and winter in Chicago just does not cut it! I felt the same way at Starved Rock last spring. My soul soaked it all up like a sponge. I spent the majority of the trip outside in one form or another. I meditated outside in the morning, we had 2 daily yoga practices outdoors, I read and napped by the pool. I even had a massage outside!

On the last full day there, we spent the day on the beach. The waves were intense and there were several surfers taking advantage of them.

While I was away, I continued the work I started in Gabby B's book, May Cause Miracles. Surprisingly, (or not) even in this luxurious setting, my ego managed to act out one morning. I woke up in Funkytown and could not shake it! Even my yoga practice was affected. Part of me wanted to crawl under to covers to wait it out, but thankfully, I shared the way I felt with my friend and even sent a long distance SOS to my MCM partner! I was determined not to let my ego ruin my day in paradise. I grabbed my book, cranked up some music on my iPod, and experienced a shift. It was nothing short of a miracle! Within a short time, I felt my heart swell with gratitude for being exactly where I was at that moment. 

I was grateful for the funky mood, which helped me to truly appreciate my surroundings that morning. I was grateful that I was able to reach out for help to people I trust and who love me enough to help me find my way off the ledge. I was extremely grateful for the miraculous shift, which allowed me to switch my perspective from one of fear to one of love.....incredible!

Such a great reminder:

"I am responsible for what I see." ~~~May Cause Miracles

L.O.V.E.

“There is force in the universe, which, if we permit it, will flow through us and produce miraculous results.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

This week was all about LOVE!

I'm learning to focus on all the opportunities to live, experience and most importantly, choose love in my daily life.

What I'm starting to understand is that it is all about the love...at least for me.

I have spent far too much of my life choosing to focus on fear in all its many manifestations. I lived a life full of fear for years and the funniest part was that I was completely unaware of it! I was SO deep in denial and rooted in survival mode that I had no idea that I had built up a massive wall to hide behind. I prided myself on being a no nonsense, "don't mess with me" kinda girl...imagine my surprise when I learned years later that that tough exterior was merely a mask I used to protect myself! The ironic part was that in reality, I wasn't protecting myself at all, I was merely hiding from my life.

In hindsight, I can see that there was a whole lotta fear and not much love in the way I used to live...

It was a dark and lonely place to be.

I don't visit that old place much anymore, but recently, I found that I had returned and gotten myself stuck there for a bit.

It was just as miserable as I remembered...

Thank God I was able to shift gears and make another choice:

I chose love instead.

I am so fortunate to have people in my life who are on a similar path...these folks "get" me and I am grateful that I have these ladies who I can call when I need a big, fat reality check!

Sometimes I can get stuck in a rut...just deep enough that it's hard to see over the edge to get myself out. At times like that, it seems like that place is all there is...until I remind myself that there's a great big, beautiful world outside this nasty rut.

I just need a little help to pull myself over the edge.

That's where love comes in...

And love is where the miracles happen.

Lovin' my life today!

Hope you are too...

xo

When all your desires are distilled;
You will cast just two votes:
To love more,
And be happy.
—Rumi 

Forgiveness.

“Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver...to release you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly."~~~Wm. Paul Young

I once knew a man who was very badly hurt by his ex-wife. He would recount all the ways in which she had wronged him to anyone who would listen. He was holding on to a huge resentment and felt he was entitled to an apology from her. Many years had passed since they had divorced and he still had not received the apology....there was a good chance that he wasn't going to get one, but he still clung to the idea that he deserved one. Better to be right...or is it?

The lesson in this (true) story is that forgiveness is not for the person who did wrong, it's for the person who was  wronged. If I'm waiting for an apology from someone who either isn't willing to give one or doesn't feel they need to, the only  person who is hurt by my lack of forgiveness is me! 

Resentment and holding onto grievances is like picking a scab (gross, I know...but bear with me on this)...by reopening the wound over and over again, you never give it the opportunity to heal. Forgiveness is like the antiseptic that cleans out the wound and allows it to heal.

Forgiveness is not always easy, but holding onto the resentment is more painful. One way to start the process is to the pray for the other person. While this may sound counterintuitive at first, in actuality, it allows the healing process to begin by loosening the death grip of resentment. By praying for the greater good of the other person, you're making room for love to enter. Forgiveness does not excuse or condone the behavior of the other person, but it does allow you to move forward without dragging the dead weight of the past with you into the present moment.

Check out what Marianne Williamson has to say on this topic:

An unforgiving heart is closed off to love and miracles.

Forgiveness is the key to open the heart once again.