Saturday, November 6, 2010

Letting go....

"It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief… lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming."
Nicholas Sparks

This was a very emotional week. My cat, who I've had for 16 years, suddenly stopped eating and, after many tests, was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. On Friday, his 16th birthday, I had to put him to sleep. I held him in my arms while they gave him the sedative that would stop his heart. I felt like my own heart was being ripped out of my chest...and I said goodbye.

This is the second time I have had to euthanize a sick cat. It sucks. The pain is suffocating. And if that wasn't enough, now the grief process begins.
Like many people, I am no stranger to the grieving process. It's overwhelming and there are no shortcuts for getting through it. It is the ultimate test of surrendering control. You could say it's the 'final exam' for letting go...

I am blessed to have an amazing group of people in my life. I have been supported through every step of the events of the past week. I am grateful that I've been able to accept the help that's been offered to me. After we left the ER, I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my grief and memories of my baby...thankfully I was with two people who love me and they gently insisted that I should not be alone.
It reminded me of another time in my life where I was in just enough pain that I was able let go of my futile attempts at control and accept the loving help that was being offered to me. This is not in my nature, but I know from experience that it's usually in my best interest.

So, thank you Harley for teaching me about unconditional love. A friend reminded me that now he will always be with me, like my own feline guardian angel. It comforts me to think that he has been reunited with his brother and others that have gone before him.

And thank you to my earth-bound guardian angels...for everything.
Love you!


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  2. Maria, You emanate everyday like the dew dripping wet upon the flowers as it fades away, to allow the morning sun to break through, as to bring forth the the impossibility of the day. Your are that impossibility to me, because it is not what you endure that amazes me as it is your encore. Love,R