Monday, July 29, 2013

Desiderata gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
~~~Max Ehrmann

Deja vu.
I feel like I've done this dance before...over and over and OVER again.
It's the dance of one step forward, two (or three or FIVE) steps back!
It's like the groove in the record has been worn deep and the needle is stuck.
...and I'm the needle today.

Some days, I feel like I'm making such progress..growth, change, onward and upward...ya know?
But lately, just as I feel like I get a pretty good grip and am just about to pull myself up to the next level...BAM!!
I get knocked on my ass.....HARD!

In the past, these feelings have appeared just when I'm getting to the good "stuff"...the "stuff" that I don't want to deal with or the "stuff" that I don't even know is there, it's been buried so deep for so long. 
When I keep going, rather than giving up, I have found that the light at the end of the tunnel is usually much closer than I expected.

But today, I'm done.
I don't want to do the work right now.
I'm tired of picking myself up for the umpteenth time.
When is enough, enough?
I would love nothing better than to shut off the old tapes in my head....but it's just not happening today.

I am emotionally exhausted.
Everything seems much "bigger" than it probably is..I just can't get the proper perspective right now.

I know it will come and things will look very different soon.

In the meantime, I will try to take the words of Max Ehrmann to heart:

I have a right to be here and the universe is unfolding exactly the way it should...whether I can see it or not.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

(Dis)comfort Zone

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
― M. Scott Peck

I guess I could just blame it on Mercury retrograde...

Something is amiss and I'm not quite sure....what.

Let me just start by saying, fundamentally, all is well. Nothing is wrong, exactly....things just don't feel quite....right.

For the last several days, I have felt        off.
Not quite comfortable in my own skin.
Emotionally off balance.
Out of place.
Just plain weird.

....and the frustrating thing is that I can't attribute this feeling to anything in particular.

In some ways, I feel like I'm outgrowing certain areas of my life. I feel like I've just woken up in a strange place, filled with people I don't know who speak a language I don't understand.
I see people, places, & things that I recognize, but I feel less connected to them.
I don't feel like I fit in anymore.

For many years, this feeling "apart" was normal...uncomfortable, but oddly familiar.

Then my life took a drastic change...
After some time and a lot of work, I felt like I had found my place in my world. I felt "a part of" instead of "apart from", I felt increasingly secure in my life and confident in my own skin. For the most part, I felt grounded.

Something has shifted and I can't put my finger on exactly what.

All the changes in my life and the inner work that I have done has not made me more comfortable with uncertainty, but I have acquired tools to work with it.

* Awareness is important. I am aware of my discomfort and have discussed it with people in my life whom I trust.
* Communication is critical. I'm talking about the way I feel as honestly as I can.
* Faith is key. Although I may not understand what or why this is happening, I know that I have always and will continue to be taken care of. I also believe that this will make sense at some point...just not today.

So, I share this today because one thing I have learned is that "secrets keep me sick". 
Once upon a time, I was unable/unwilling to share the messy bits of my life with others. I just stuffed them down, self medicated, and denied their existence, insisting that everything was "fine," when it was actually anything but.

Today, I can admit when things are not "fine" and try to do something to change them, with a little help from my friends.

Today I can sit with uncomfortable feelings without having to resort to unhealthy ways of coping with them.

Today I can feel gratitude for feeling uncomfortable because I know that there is growth there. I'm stretching beyond the walls of my comfort zone and that's where endless possibilities exist.

Anything is possible.
Life is good.
All is well.

Peace & love,

Wednesday, July 3, 2013


“Life sneaks up on us every once in a while and gives us something we didn't ever know we wanted, and lights within us a love we didn't even know existed.”
― Shauna Niequist

That's how I would describe my current state of mind.

That's how I would describe my life.

Today was one of those days that filled my heart with joy and deepened my gratitude and appreciation for my life and the wonderful people in it.

Started my day on the mat. 
Beautiful way to start a special day.
Today was spent in the presence of a woman who is regarded as a living saint by many of her followers, and who radiates pure love. 
We went to participate in darshan with Amma, the Indian guru known as "The Hugging Saint".

What an amazing experience!

I attended this event, alone, last year, but sharing the experience with several ladies from the yoga studio made the experience richer and more special.
We were serenaded by Lakota Indians, Mexican dancers, and live Kirtan music, as we waited for our turn to receive a hug from Amma. We spent several hours soaking up the energy of this amazing woman. The love in that room was palpable!
Each beat of the drum resonated in my heart cavity and I felt the vibrations course throughout my body. I felt like I was coming back to life.

As I reflected on the experience this evening, I was struck by the timing: tomorrow is Independence Day. How appropriate!

Today is the day to break free from all the fear based thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back from becoming who you were meant to be.
Today is the day to choose love.
Sure, you won't do it perfectly, but you can be a little better than you were yesterday. 
As a wise woman once told me, "Trying is doing."

And if that's not a reason to celebrate, I don't know what it!

Choose Love.
Celebrate Life.


For more information about Amma, click here: