Monday, July 29, 2013

Desiderata gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
~~~Max Ehrmann

Deja vu.
I feel like I've done this dance before...over and over and OVER again.
It's the dance of one step forward, two (or three or FIVE) steps back!
It's like the groove in the record has been worn deep and the needle is stuck.
...and I'm the needle today.

Some days, I feel like I'm making such progress..growth, change, onward and upward...ya know?
But lately, just as I feel like I get a pretty good grip and am just about to pull myself up to the next level...BAM!!
I get knocked on my ass.....HARD!

In the past, these feelings have appeared just when I'm getting to the good "stuff"...the "stuff" that I don't want to deal with or the "stuff" that I don't even know is there, it's been buried so deep for so long. 
When I keep going, rather than giving up, I have found that the light at the end of the tunnel is usually much closer than I expected.

But today, I'm done.
I don't want to do the work right now.
I'm tired of picking myself up for the umpteenth time.
When is enough, enough?
I would love nothing better than to shut off the old tapes in my head....but it's just not happening today.

I am emotionally exhausted.
Everything seems much "bigger" than it probably is..I just can't get the proper perspective right now.

I know it will come and things will look very different soon.

In the meantime, I will try to take the words of Max Ehrmann to heart:

I have a right to be here and the universe is unfolding exactly the way it should...whether I can see it or not.

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