Thursday, February 7, 2013

Breaking point...

“We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

I had a bit of a breakdown last week.

In metaphysical circles, there is a lot of talk about the Ego and how It will stop at nothing to stay alive, especially when it feels threatened in the presence of Love. The work that I've been doing in May Cause Miracles seems to have stirred up my Ego and that wily bastard started fighting back!
Now the Ego is not real, of course, it's simply the way that Fear shows up in my life..and show up it did.

There was ALL SORTS of crazy talk going on in my head....lies to distract me from the work I'm doing to shift form a fear based mindset, to one of love.
The old tapes were back with a vengeance---they were playing loudly and incessantly. Isolation and depression set in and I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper... Kinda reminded me of what my life looked like a dozen or so years ago...not fun!

Thankfully, I reached out to a friend and shared the crazy with her. She reminded me that the thoughts that were consuming me were not true. She gently reminded me what was true and shared what the book had brought up in her. Now, I didn't realize that had been reading the book as well...there are no coincidences, right?
So we decided to go back to Day One and go through the exercises together. We started on Sunday and this time through has been a deeper, richer experience. Frankly, I'm enjoying the company!

What I now think is that maybe I wasn't having a breakdown but rather a breakthrough! The work is reaching places deep inside that hadn't been accessible my therapist observed, last week I was deep in the YUCK. It's like a doing a  cleanse....sometimes you feel like crap before you feel better. The toxins have to come out! 

I am so grateful that I have been able to push through it...I am finally getting a glimpse of the other side. Shining a light on the dark places that I have kept hidden is scary and exhausting work...but light is the only thing that can get rid of the darkness. 
The tiny flashlight I was using by myself wasn't strong enough...
Now I have twice as much light...and a trusted companion to share the journey.

Shine on!

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