Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Plan B

“Help" is a prayer that is always answered. It doesn't matter how you pray--with your head bowed in silence, or crying out in grief, or dancing." 
~~Anne Lamott

Over the last few years, I have come to believe a few things:

* Everything happens for a reason. 
* This too shall pass.
* One day it will make sense; today is not that day.
* There are no coincidences.

As I have shared in previous posts, the last few months have been a time of transition for me. After much consideration, I ended a relationship. While I don't regret my decision, it was not an easy one to come to. I prayed for guidance and I got it. Ultimately, it was the healthiest decision I could make.

For the past several weeks, I have had issues with my back. I have (grudgingly) taken a break from my yoga practice in order to give myself time to heal. Needless to say, I am not thrilled about this!
I went to my chiropractor yesterday. Doc worked his magic and I finally felt some relief...hallelujah!

Can you guess what happened next?

I tweaked my back again trying to open the door at work! The door weighs a ton and is difficult to open on a good day, but yesterday was bitterly cold and the door felt like it was frozen shut.

I felt the spasm almost immediately....DAMN!

I had no other choice but to go home...couldn't even stand up straight.

Frustrated? Sure...
Painful? Yup!

But here's what I realized...

I was forced to slow down and take care of myself. For many years, self care was not a priority for me. I have gotten a lot better at it, but it's still not my "go-to" thought. I don't put myself at the top (not even in the top 3) of my priority list....something or someone always comes first.  
I always bragged that I had a high threshold for pain....that pride almost stopped my from getting help when my life really depended on it, because I was so used to telling myself that "it" wasn't that bad.
Sometimes it doesn't need to get that bad...bad is bad enough.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had started Gabrielle Bernstein's book, May Cause Miracles.

Yesterday's affirmation:

I am willing to let go of my self-doubt.
I surrender to self-love.

I think not....

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